Why is speaking up so difficult, especially when you are suffering?

Updated: Sep 24, 2020

Story By: Srimanjori Guha

Anxiety and depression can make you feel and do things that you might never even imagine doing otherwise. My suppressed childhood trauma, physical and mental abuse that I witnessed and suffered through for the last 23 years of my life finally took a toll on me last year. Things got aggravated and I got triggered due to several reasons and I started visiting my therapist from this January.

I am an introvert, and I started talking about my issues to some close people. I realised that as I did that, the people closest to me, also began getting bothered. I noticed that after a certain point they were unable to handle my emotional burden. I understand and value that people have boundaries. It is important for their mental wellbeing, but the real problem arose when it wasn't clearly communicated to me.

As a result, there was a sudden change in the behaviour, as if they did not care anymore saying things like " be happy", " life is a struggle, people have it worse", triggering something inside me. I would start questioning my sanity - was I too much? Was I bothering them? Was I expecting too much from people I just met etc. Communication is so important with everyone and especially with someone suffering from a mental health problem.

Anyway, I have come to terms with it, although I would be lying if I say that I have been doing perfectly alright. I have also stopped talking to those friends in much detail about my mental health. We only talk in brief now. On the other hand, in spite of my introversion, I have began talking and opening up to more people, who I believe are much better at listening me out.

I know, one day my mental health will get better, and maybe, I will eventually grow out of those people.

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