When Reality hit me

Updated: Sep 23, 2020

Story By: Antra Das Gupta

I started out as a very charming, confident, and enthusiastic girl. When I finished my graduation, I still remember how I read every blog and article and YouTube tutorial about what kind of job I would like to take up and how to go about it. November 2016, I got a mail that my CV is shortlisted for a job profile I was aiming for. I thanked my God and started preparing for the interview which was scheduled the next day. I went and gave my interview and got selected. I called every possible person I knew and told them how creative that space looks and how excited I was. I joined immediately and as time went by, my confidence and enthusiasm started disappearing.

It always felt like whatever I did wasn't enough. I'm not good enough. A group of seniors who were more close to the boss had the power to humiliate anyone, anytime. There were unnecessary chaos and humiliation and everyone was upset about everyone.

I'm a slow reader and it takes me time to process any information and then work on it. However, this weakness became quite apparent in very less time. A Pile of mails, endless deadlines, screams, and a constant reminder that I'm mediocre was enough for me to shatter my confidence.

On the last day of that job, the super boss called out my name and assigned me work with barely 10 minutes of time. I got a nervous breakdown and couldn't do justice to it. Suddenly I heard him shouting my name. To avoid the humiliation I ran from the third floor to the ground floor and kept running to avoid the view of the office. After fifteen minutes I gathered courage, went back to the office, took my bag, and left with a promise to never come back again.

That workplace was so toxic that it is highly-strung my mind towards work, maybe forever. However, I'm still working but the thought of going to work makes me anxious even after three years of my first work experience.

Unfortunately, I'm not alone. There are so many like me. With all my heart and soul, I wish the best for the people who're preparing to step out in the world to become professionals. But the question remains is why can it not be the other way around?

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