The Trauma of the forgotten memory

Updated: Sep 10, 2020

Story By: Anonymous

This happened when I was a child. I have a very vague recollection of certain events and I'm not even sure if they happened the way I describe them. But I'm certain that there was that happened that I as a child couldn't comprehend properly.

So 15 or more years ago, one Sunday morning, I was playing with my elder cousin brother when suddenly he grabbed me and kissed me all over. It happened a few more times and because of this, my relations with him have always been strained. I had this unknown fear or disgust for him which only turned into hatred with time.

Now after so many years, although I have moved on with it and I have a better than ever bond with him, but because of that incident, I have developed certain fears of physical intimacy. It's because of this reason that I had always stayed away from relationships. I never gave any guy any chance to even come near me.

However, this changed when I came to college. I got close to a guy, who initially became a very good friend of mine. Some time passed and we were inseparable. I got into my very first romantic relationship with him. Once when I was at his place, one thing led to another and soon we were making out. I initially liked his touch but when things got steamy, it reminded me of my childhood trauma. He getting close to me felt so much like that brother being there and doing it all.

My boyfriend wasn't forcing himself on me at all. It just happened in the heat of the moment. I'm not sure why I didn't stop him. I wanted that to stop, but I couldn't, and I cant even understand why.

Back to the story, I love him, I know he loves me. But never did I think that even physical intimacy with the man of my choice would haunt me like this.

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