The Terms and Conditions of Our Relationship

Updated: Nov 18


Story by Kashmira

It was an instant attraction I felt for him. He was handsome and it made me drawn to him. He felt the same towards me too. So, we decided to shoot for a chance. We thought, why not make out with each other and test our theories, but we adopted the no-strings-attached guideline. We were in it for the thrill and passion and eventually, we gave it a name. We were friends with benefits.


It was all about the passion and heat in the first stage of the ‘relationship’, I liked that physical connection. I couldn’t deny the vibe we shared. Initially, it was comforting to think you could enjoy that kind of passion with someone without owing them the time and emotional support that would normally accompany a relationship. It was a relief for a while until I started to feel displeased with the relationship.


He'd only ring up my phone when he wanted someone to play with. He’d come over in a flash if I said yes, but if I was sick he would show no concern. He never sent me messages of consolation neither did he care about me unless we were in the same room. On one account, he forced me to engage in something I was reluctant to do, but I gave in easily because I couldn’t say no.


The terms of the relationship began to take a toll on me after I noticed this guy wanted nothing from me but my body. He was nothing but trouble and it bothered me. He valued my body over me and that thought kept me awake. I started to lose my self-respect.


For any relationship to work, there has to be a sense of consideration and respect towards the other person. In this relationship, he had neither. The fact that we decided to set our feelings aside should have never kept him from being sensitive. 


Once the realization dawned on me, it was hard for me to continue seeing him. I couldn’t bring myself to confront him about it so I kept my feelings hidden and it took a toll on me.


A relationship that would normally be less of a burden turned out to be the exact opposite. Naturally, it hampered my self-esteem so I ended the relationship. We were supposed to be friends with benefits, but he never treated me as a friend.


Years later, I met another guy who is now a huge part of my life. We’re in a happy relationship and we enjoy everything that accompanies it. The commitment, emotional support, the physical relationship, and each other’s company.


I learned that going into that first relationship wasn’t the problem, neither were the terms we set. It was the person I was with that wrecked it. Neglecting my thoughts led me nowhere but a couple of years wasted on someone who mistreated me. Being ‘friends with benefits’ may work for someone else. However, the bottom line is to never lose conscience like I did. (no matter the type the relationship). 


Before getting into any new relationship, I’ll ask myself these questions. Is this relationship what I want? Is the person worth all my time? Will they respect me as much as I respect them? Am I emotionally invested in this person? Do we have a strong bond? - If my answers to these questions are vague, I’ll step back. Recollect my thoughts and feelings, and then make a wise decision to avoid losing myself


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