The Fear that tied me up

Updated: Jun 27, 2021

Story by Anonymous

Here is the story that led to the twist in my life. I was a normal middle-class family girl, who went to Kolkata for my college. After a few months there, I started going for C.A coaching.

As C.A itself serves as an explanation, I had no time for anything like hanging out with friends or have time for myself. I was so drained out due to my studies, by the end of the day.

However, the new place gave me exposure to a new crowd.

Just a few weeks in this place, I had accidentally met this boy. He was a mutual friend of mine. But this acquaintance soon became a habit, as we met frequently.

After a few weeks of interaction, one day amidst a conversation he proposed me, or rather, asked me out. But the butterflies inside my stomach did not understand all this and went with the flow; we started dating. Never did I know the cost of it, then.

I was so into him that I didn’t even know how to say no.

It reached a point where his hands slipped into my pants and I couldn’t even take a stand.

Once, my period was late by 15 days or so. I was scared if I was pregnant because he had taken off the condom during sex without my consent.

I didn’t even know his real name until a few months later. He even lied about his age. The only thing I knew about him was, he lived in a 2 BHK with his flatmates and would smoke, drink alcohol, eat and sleep.

He was irresponsible and extremely possessive over me. He didn’t like the fact that I had male friends.

The money I received from my parents for my personal use was mostly spent on him. He would tell me that he would pay it back but never did! I invested all I had on him and received stress and pain in return.

At this point, life was not the way I wanted it to be. I was anxious and distressed but I couldn’t get out of it. I ended up smoking – something I never thought I would do.

One day, I checked his phone without his knowledge and the things I found out shook me. He used to randomly text girls and would tell them that he was in an open relationship. Not one or two! I found more than a hundred messages from girls in his messenger.

I was shattered and asked him what it was all about. But the fact that I went through his phone became a huge debate.

I was warned by my friends that he was not the guy for me, earlier. But I never listened. The only reason I was not able to do anything was fear. I was scared of what he might do to me if I went against his wishes.

Unknowingly, I had entered into a toxic relationship. I wasn’t the same person anymore; my academics, self-esteem, confidence, and health went down the line. I had even failed in 8 subjects in one semester. I lost all my contacts; friends and family.

I finally realised that this was not right and took a stand. I broke up with him! It was a hard decision but was much needed.

Now when I look back, after so many years, the only thing that I want, is for him to understand what he had lost.

Because knowing one's self-worth is very important.

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