Questioning the binary gender

Updated: Sep 23


Story By: Ray


My name is Ray. I identify as a trans woman. My pronouns are she/her. I will try and narrate some questions , in the hopes that this will make you sit up and start thinking.

To start with, why Ray? It is because: I have chosen to keep this name so as to strip myself of my 'masculine' name, which is dead to me now.

I am often asked by people as to why I identify as a trans woman. "Why at all?" The only counter question I have been able to conjure up is, "Why do you think you are a man/woman?" Why, because your parents told you so? Because your doctor at birth told you so? Is it because official records state so? Is it because your friends and/or partner(s) say so? Who decides why you want to identify as man/woman/non-binary/transgender person? Is it because you have the genitals that say so?


I am asking this, because everyday my life revolves around: 1. what is my genitals? 2. Can I produce children? 3. 'He' is definitely a sex object. (Culling out crude offensive terms).

Want to know why I am saying this?

For example, most of you who travel outside your homes, which washrooms do you expect me to use? Depending on my genitals, should I enter the male washroom, or depending on who I identify as, enter the female washroom? Or a gender-neutral one, which supposedly exists in our homes? Would women/girls feel comfortable with a transgender person/non-binary person using a 'female assigned' washroom? I am saying this because public Washrooms whether male/female, have coloured my life with violence and abuse. Remember without as basic as a safe washroom, which workplace /educational institution do you expect us to, even enter?

On dating apps, all that men wonder is what genitals I 'possess'. I am often asked, as latest as yesterday, whether I am 'biologically' transgender or I am a 'cross dresser'. Not even transgender person.

With this heavy voyeuristic curiosity about my genitalia, right from security frisks, to public washrooms, to dating apps, I wonder only this:

"Is womanhood only about boobs, vagina and the capacity to reproduce?"

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