Poverty Clinical Paranoia

Updated: Sep 23, 2020

Story By: Pramitha Nair.

I've always been fascinated with my life. Right from my childhood, it felt so eerie that it felt like a surreal story. And, that is all I treated my life like – a story and nothing more.

The fact that a small girl, from the age of three, had learnt of the miracle of defence mechanisms & escapism makes me want to go back in time & hug her tight. And, apologise to her for having to deal with the cruel monstrosity of life at such a young age. And, that's the little girl I always draw inspiration from, when life pulls me down, because nothing could deter that chirpy & bubbly child.

I was afraid of my secrets and the disastrous things that would pop out of them, so I repeated the same lies to everyone. Because, how could I explain poverty, clinical paranoia & domestic violence to my young, rich classmates when I wasn't sure I understood it all myself? My life was just a deception of lies. So, after school ended, I decided to start life anew - a life of truth. So I wrote 'The Making of a Rebel'. “The internet never forgets” people said. But, what was I to do with these secrets? Take them to the grave?

But, why should I? I'm not ashamed of them. I have learnt of the revelations of life the hard way. These lessons have come at a price too high to be hidden away with shame. Most people are scared of judgement. But, that doesn't bother me anymore.

It isn't easy to open up your book of secrets to the world though. Exposing every secret feels like ripping the bandage off a fresh wound. But, it needs to be done, because, the wound needs to breathe & heal. These secrets are who I am and hence a part of me.

I want to live in a world where our secrets are hung explicitly in the open like the paintings on the walls of our homes to be admired & coveted. It is a world where we talk about everything & we understand that every saint has a past & every sinner has a future.

I have a dream. It's a dream where I give away all my dark secrets one by one & get the burden off my chest. It's a dream where I am liberated to fly like a free bird in the sky. And, when life leaves my mortal body, I shall live on through my stories to immortality.

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