Only the wearer knows where the shoe pinches

Story By: Aditya Bikram Ghosh

There’s a humble saying that “looks don’t matter”. Well, they do. I’ve grown up with people ridiculing me for my excessive weight. And these taunts grown up with me like a shadow.

Everything that a normal child does, I couldn’t because of the fear of getting mocked. People used to call me names in school and I was a joke to everybody. And that had a negative impact on my emotional state. My confidence was at the bottom. School, neighborhood friends - I cut off from all for the same fear of fat shaming.

There was always a tangled relationship between my weight and my mental health. But as I was heading to my adolescents, my health was equally deteriorating. And before I could realize, I was in depression.

There are several instances of bullying. One I can clearly recall, I was infatuated towards a girl. And in jest, one of my friends told her about my feelings. And she was quick to be offended and in front of 12 people she said “look at yourself and then crush on people accordingly”. The pain was excruciating. The mockery was agonizing.

But my insecurities and self-doubt needed a closure. One incident that was actually a blessing in disguise was when I went to my closest friend's birthday and as usual I was standing in a corner, when everyone was having fun. But after a while they all sat surrounding me and started jeering at me. And what made it unbearable was looking at my friend laughing scornfully with them. I came home sobbing and locked myself up and cried the entire night for 5 hours straight.

And that was it. I rose up and told myself that even if it kills me, I’m not going to live like this. This cannot be my truth. From that very day I changed my lifestyle and today from 136 kgs I cut down to 76.

This transformation wasn’t easy. But that decision changed my life.

Our society is conditioned to like a certain shape, size and colour. And they often don’t realize that their taunts can be destructive. But I’ve learnt from my life that whatever we’re, we should embrace ourselves and make the necessary changes that can improve our lives.

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