My journey from PCOS to acceptance

Story By: Shivangi Mishra

In my first year of high school, my menstrual cycle stopped abruptly. I told my mother about it. She said that interruptions were normal and that they will resume in a month or so. Days and months passed but I never got my period. I slowly realised a change in my body. My facial hair started growing abnormally and my voice became gruffy - almost like that of a man. There was acne and oil all over my face and my weight increased drastically. I did not know what was happening to me.

The outlook of society changed towards me. Guys and girls started to look at me weirdly as if I was someone alien. Like I didn't belong to them anymore. My family and relatives started commenting on my figure and face and how I was "ugly" and "who will marry me?". Before I would often ignore everyone but slowly their words and actions began affecting me.

Seeing other girls in their slim and beautiful bodies, getting all the attention and validation, added more to my insecurity and teenage deprivation. So I started starving myself, eating bare minimum food due to which i started looking pale and lethargic. I began acting "feminine" just to remind my family and society that I was still a girl with problems, I had no control over. I spent my nights crying and pinching my body all over just because it did not look or behave like that of others. I started my treatment on PCOS in 2017 and although, I have improved a little, but there is a long way to go.

It's not easy battling for acceptance every day for all these years but slowly I've come to terms with myself. Today I am 17 and I've finished my school life and I am hoping to go to my college really soon (hopefully) where i hope to meet other people who will have trouble understanding who and how I am but I think I will be okay. I've got my wit and personality to outshine my little acne and a bit of curves aren't that bad afterall and I will do what I am passionate for and what I love than be concerned of what people think and how they perceive me. I have decided to not worry about getting a guy's attention anymore, because I believe that all of it will come in its own time.

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