Escapist or Depressed

Updated: Sep 23, 2020

Story By: Antra Das Gupta

I was in college, sitting with a friend in an old classroom. It was the day of my first alumni. Suddenly, I got a call from my mother, huffing. In her tiresome voice, she said: “go home as soon as you can, he tried again”. Did I start weeping and blaming my life that why us? What have we done to get this?

My father was suicidal. It was his third attempt to commit suicide. But every time he attempted, he failed miserably.

Anyway, I came home and I saw him sitting near the temple, joining hands in front of God.

Looking at him, I was not really sure whether I was furious or compassionate. I didn’t know what to do?

The first time, he left the house in a rush and called my mother that I’m going to jump off the metro station “next train and I’ll be gone”. Crying, shouting, my mother called my cousin brother to go out in search of him. And my brother reached at the right time and things were okay for that particular night. But that dark night came back again.

It’s been two years now since that phase of my life. Today when I look back, I try to find out what was the real reason behind it? Is it just his drowning in debt or something else? It is something else.

My father has made some wrong financial decisions by which he fell into a debt trap. The amount was so huge that it was impossible to pay it off easily, which led him to depression. That time we didn’t know. We assumed that he was an escapist who’s trying to escape from his problems. But the reality is, those moves were a sign of depression. He was screaming for help but we could never recognise it.

I pray that no one will see the time I’ve seen in life. But the reality of life differs from my wish. There are many cases of suicidal attempts in our surroundings. Unfortunately, a large number of them do succeed. But as a society, we will have to recognise the signs to protect our loved ones. Sometimes the hint will be as subtle as a sentence “there’s nothing left in this world for me” and it says a lot. Recognise.

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